Sunday, January 29, 2012

Psychological Evaluation

When we met with the reproductive specialist, we were told that we all had to pass a psychological evaluation before we could continue with the process.  The IFs had to go through it and my husband and I had to go through it and then we had to meet together as a group.  I was pretty sure that I wouldn't have any issues with this.  My husband and IFs were 100% sure that everything would be fine too so we went in thinking it would be a fun formality.  When my husband and I met with the psychologist, things started going downhill.  Everything seemed to be going fine until the doctor asked me when I was going to vaccinate my teen for HPV.  I told her that I wasn't.  She looked shocked.  She went on to tell me that I would have to get the flu shot or else I would be risking someone else's baby.  I told her that was something that I would have to discuss with my IFs.  She started asking about my lifestyle.  We don't vaccinate, we aren't religious, I have a tattoo, I used to have piercings, I homeschool, I love homebirths and I drink raw milk.  At this point, the conversation just wasn't going well.  Instead of asking me about how I felt about surrogacy or how we would deal with certain situations, it became an attack on our lifestyle.  Now, I should mention that we've already talked about most of these things with the IFs and they have been 100% supportive of us the entire time.  Part of the reason they loved us is because we were willing to research things to make the best choices for our family.  We've also discussed the possibility of homebirths or a birth center as long as everything is normal.  When the psychologist brought us in together, she made the statement that she thought that my lifestyle choices were too rebellious.  She said that I was TOO brutally honest.  I was shocked.  I thought that was the whole point to this meeting?  She then started telling us that we needed to get our children vaccinated, get myself vaccinated, stop drinking raw milk and start touring hospitals because THAT was how things needed to go.  She even went so far as to try to make an appointment with the local hospital so that we could go tour it.  Fortunately, the same traits that she didn't like, were the very reasons that my IFs chose me.  They told her that there were things that *we* needed to discuss and that this wasn't the time for it.  They also told her that they were still going to use me as their surrogate.  She finally resigned and gave us all the green light and passed us.  Even though I'm extremely happy over that, I left the building feeling very shaken up and disheartened.  I was completely exhausted and drained from that experience.  My IFs and husband gave me huge hugs in support which made it better but that is something I definitely don't want to have to go through again.


  1. Wow! Not an easy experience at all for any of you. I am glad everyone was strong for you. You are doing great.

  2. She way overstepped her bounds and went beyond psychologist. Who is she to question your well-researched parenting skills? So it's better to give your child a vaccine that is potentially harmful to her in order to "conform"? It's okay that she vetoes the very traits the IFs like about you? Ugh. That steams me.

  3. =( Lame. I don't see what giving your child a shot that will wear off in 4 years be potentially harmful to her and has only been on the "market" for half a decade has to do with your ability to be a happy surrogate that isn't going to be a baby snatcher. You and your IPs might go tour a hospital but thats something that you guys will do together at your own time and own pace. Honestly thats none of her business. (I dont feel.) If you lie during a psych eval what is the point of taking the eval at all? She is not a Dr of medicine she is a Dr of psychology. (I assume she was a Dr.) Those things she discussed with you should be between you and your OB not you and someones opinions. Dont be shaken. Your brutal honesty is one of your best qualities and one of the things I love about you.