Monday, February 27, 2012

Psych Eval Take 2

After the initial psych eval, some things happened that I can't get into details yet.  I will have to wait until everything plays out for the protection of my IFs, but we decided it was best to get a second opinion.  This time, we chose a psychologist who specializes in gay surrogacy.  What an AMAZING difference.  We reviewed and discussed my previous experience.  This psychologist was so warm and friendly and just so awesome.  I felt so welcome in her office and didn't feel like my entire life was under fire.  It turned into a 4 hour session with almost 2 hours talking with just myself, half an hour talking with myself and my husband and then the remaining time talking to all four of us.  She reassured me that my parenting and lifestyle choices had nothing to do with the surrogacy and she didn't agree with the original psych's eval.  At the end, she "strongly recommended me without hesitation" as a carrier.  We all came away feeling very happy and relieved!

We did discuss a lot of issues that I hadn't even taken into consideration.  It actually makes me angry that its even an issue but in the end I have to acknowledge it as reality.  The psych gave us quite a few scenarios that we are likely to encounter especially given that I live in a smaller community.  She told me that I needed to make sure that everyone that I deal with (lawyer, doctors, hospital staff) are aware that I am a carrier for a gay male couple.  I need to make sure that they don't have an issue with this because past couples have run into problems.  Some examples were, the IFs weren't allowed to come to the ultrasound appointments, IFs being denied entry to the delivery room during the birth, judges refusing to issue birth certificates.  I guess I expected to run into some closed minded people but I thought it would be more on a personal level than interfering with the ability for the IFs to become parents.  Its sad that they being such the good couple that they are, have to jump through so many hoops to have a child solely because of their orientation.  She also brought up the issue of how I would deal with my children.  She said that my children may be confronted by other children who say bad things and we have to be ready to deal with that.  I think in our case, since we homeschool it won't be such a big deal since my kids are always around me, but damn its something I never thought about!  We have talked to our kids about why mommy is having a baby that we aren't keeping but it was a good reminder that I need to KEEP talking to them and give them the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings.  This was a very good session and a real eye opener on just how emotional this journey can get.

So the next step is to finalize our contract and then we will start talking about dates to start the transfer process!


  1. I am so glad you took the time to find someone who not only supports this journey but also encouraged what your doing and gave you pointers to make it work out for the best. I think you are teaching your kids a great lesson that everyone deserves to have a family sometimes you just get one in different ways.

  2. I am amazed to hear at the difference seeing another person can have. It really is great to hear that you found someone who understands and who helped opened your eyes up to more. I hope your journey continues smoothly without hate filled or ignorant remarks. You are doing a great thing!